In Columbus they were shopping on the first day, the first official day of war.

This was a bad luck day.

Listening to: Petty Problems by Defiance Ohio

Fact of the day: You are fun.

I don't know why I still care about her.

I need to not exist in a world of people I do not wish to exist in. I can let things go but only if those things will let me.

With reoccurring pasts these things I wish to forget are hard to get rid of.

I think it’s time for me to say fuck the world. I’ve given up on most things pertaining to self- aggrandizing expectations, mostly because the people that surround me are always crushing my dreams. It’s like I'm a tiny ant stuck to the bottom of a shoe. I’ve already been squashed but I'm not quite dead and this shoe has a large distance left to cover.

It’s time for me to put away my shame and finally live my life. Who else but me cares what I choose to do with myself?

I really wish I’d known what I wanted before I made the biggest decision in my life so far. It’s the only thing keeping me here.

Listening to: Drunks, Lovers, Sinners and Saints by Alexisonfire

Fact of the day: if it wasn’t for debt I’d have moved somewhere far from here long ago.

Girls.

Have never liked me.

In elementary school it was always super hard for me to make friends. I had one best friend who was a year older than I, so we never really got to hang out at school. I was also pretty much a tom boy and the other girls in my grade were all very girl-y. They never wanted to hang out with me. I pretty much became a loner. I made my own fun, I loved playing in dirt and getting myself dirty. I always dreaded group tasks, or going to summer camp for the first time because I didn’t know how to make new friends. To boys girls had cooties, to girls I was too boy-ish to hang out with. This isn’t to say I had no friends at all, but I didn’t really have any constant recess mates. To mostly everyone I was an acquaintance who sometimes joined in on games.
I have always been socially awkward and have carried that with me through moving to a new elementary school and then onto high school. I still think I'm pretty tomboyish although I may dress a little better than I used to. But I still have no idea how to actually go about making a new friend on my own. The girls still always seem to hate me for being me and the boys hardly ever talk to me, at least not first. I am too self conscious to approach anyone by myself and introduce myself to them, male or female. The only way I make new friends is if someone will approach me and talk to me or if a current friend introduces me to a new person.
Do you know how much it sucks for me to try and make new friends? Do you know how much anxiety I go through even just starting a new job because I don’t know anyone? It sucks and you have little to no idea what I go through on a daily basis just walking in public by myself. i always feel like people are staring at me so I don't like to look up too often. It is hard for me to look people in they eye even if I've known them all my life. I feel small.
And now apparently it is absurd for me to even think I'm allowed to stay friends with the people I know now? I'm sorry but I am not willing to just let my friends go for absolutely no reason at all. The friends I have now were hard enough to make as is. Meeting someone new and expecting they’ll be able to just replace someone else is ridiculous. I want to hold onto as many, and even meet as many new people as I possibly can. There are over 6 billion people on this earth and I know less than 0.4% of them. Less than 0.1% are my friends. I'm not willing to let the good ones I have just slip away. There are no rules of whom you can or cannot be friends with. My mom tried that with me when I was younger. I think his name was Robby, I now have no idea where this boy is or what he’s up to, all I know is that I lost a friend and I don’t even know why; it depressed me maybe even suppressed me. I will never let this happen again; not without cause.

I’ve had my doubts, tried to stick up for our female population but I'm sorry ladies, I’ve come to the conclusion that at least 97% of us are absolute bitches all of the time. The other 3% can be bitchy when we so desire; its not something that comes naturally but we can pull it out if need be. It goes the same for guys though don’t worry. Only their numbers are a little better off. 64% are douche bags and 36% are genuinely good guys, even if they try to act douchey.
All in all, I have better odds being friends with guys; maybe this is why I do have more guy friends than girl friends.

Listening to: 100k by the Loved Ones

Fact of the day: I don’t even have that many friends.

Someone like you

Sometimes people fuck up.
Sometimes certain people do it more often then others.
Sometimes all it takes is a simple apology to start to clear the air.
Sometimes these people cannot swallow their pride and admit their faults.
All of the time these people will no longer get to share more of the times they once had.
These people both lose.

It was a nice seven years. They will remain a good memory.

Listening to: Reason to Believe by Rod Stewart.
Fact of the day: You were right, I need to stop making up excuses for and defending people who don't deserve it: people like you.

God help the man who says “If you’d of known me when…” Old haunts are for forgotten ghosts

I’ve had two different jobs within the span of a week. Which rules but like… where were all the jobs when I needed them 4 months ago? Oh well. At least I have a fairly steady one now. Working in a warehouse can’t be as bad as some of the jobs out there. I mean sure it’s boring and repetitive, but at least I don’t really have to deal with a whole heck of a lot of people and the ones I do are pretty nice and don’t change from day to day. Always the same gang.
Although I have over $14,000 to pay off to banks, government employees, shitty phone company, vets, and my parents, the only thing I really want to think about right now, with regards to money, is getting a new tattoo / finishing old ones. I really have my priorities straightened out.

I’ve also been thinking about writing a book. Actually though. I planned it out and everything. Maybe I’ll start doing that in the spare time I never have.

Listening to: Old Haunts by The Gaslight Anthem

Fact of the day: My kitten eats: chickpeas, potatoes, tofu, popcorn, spaghetti squash, and soy milk; he takes after his mommy.

If we seem nutty to you, and if we seem like an oddball to you just remember one thing: the mighty oak tree was once a nut like me.

On Saturday I went with my friend Jake to see one of my personal favourite bands : Against Me! playing with the Flatliners. It was probably one of the best times I've had in a long while. Although I still haven't had a chance to get my hands on Against Me's new record White Crosses I thoroughly enjoyed getting to hear their new songs for the first time live. They also played a large variety of older songs which I was super stoked on; and staring at Tom Gabel the whole time pretty much just topped off the night. Its a little ridiculous how attractive this man is, especially with longer hair than I'm used to seeing him with. Flatliners also played a really good set. This was my first time seeing them live and they more than impressed. I honestly haven't really heard too much of their old stuff but after that performance I'm definitely looking into it. Their newest album, Cavalcade, is pretty solid and I expect their others are just as good.

Listening to: Province by TV on the Radio

Fact of the day: I have a job!

YOU LEAVE ME COLD!

This is the title of the new book I'm reading. I bought it for $1 at the Steam Era Show in Milton last weekend. I went with my family and we had a time. It was the first time we'd actually done something as a family in years, aside from having a Sunday night dinner together. I really should have brought my camera but the batteries were dead and I couldn't find the charger in time or else I'd have some pictures of the day's event. After the show though, I wanted to have a sister-night and go out for dinner; but everyone was already together and there was no point in having our night when everyone else was in a good mood and wanted to spend some time with the family. So we all ended up going out to dinner at Japan Buffet. It was deliciously filling and the service was extraordinary. I say this because one of the waitresses was so in love with my niece and her curly blond hair that she even took her to the bathroom; over and above her job expectations (and you know when you see those signs in teh bathroom that say "employees must wash hands before returning to work" and there are people who think they are funny and wait for an employee to come and wash their hands, well the employee did was Kaels' hands and her own before returning to work. Haha). Anyways, after struggling to finish dinner we all went to Catherine and Ryan's house to watch Cars (the Disney movie). What a successful Saturday night.

Listening to: Broken Things by Attack in Black

Fact of the day: I wish I was in school.

Everyone’s a prick. Everyone hates themselves. Everyone feels miserable. And the best of us never change.

Long story short I still have no job. I still wish I had moved out. I still don't want to be here. I want to move far away and start new.

Listening to: Since Always by Give Up The Ghost

Fact of the day: You never listen.

Step one: light me on fire.

So today is my birthday.
I am not a fan of birthdays at all. The one thing I was hoping for this year was to get into school. I did not get in. I also haven't found a job so I can no longer move out. I'm stuck here for another year. Probably the rest of my life.
I'm a failure now.
At least I'm finally 19 so I can just go drink myself silly and blame it on this godforsaken day.
Whatever. This is always my luck anyways. I don't know why I expected more. Life never wants to work out for me, even when I do every possible thing to try and help myself along, life doen't want to help me back.
Fuck this place.

Today I could not have planned for a better way to spend my day. I am watching Disney movies with my kittens. Then later I will be heading to Guelph to drink until I pass out.
I hate birthdays.

Listening to: In Fact by Gregory and the Hawk.
Fact of the day: I knew you'd never remember, I really don't care.

Call every girl we ever met Maria but only love Virginia’s heart.

I created the tastiest guacamole today. I thought I had it conquered, apparently not. Cajun spice is my new favourite addition to everything. My mother tells me to stop eating so many avocados because they are fattening. To heck with that, they are too good. I'll just go exercise or something... yeah right. Although I do need to stop being so lazy, sleeping until 11, getting up to do absolutely nothing aside from maybe eating something, and going back to sleep until 2. I hate being unemployed. Tomorrow better be a good day. I intend to spend the morning with my father then heading downtown to hopefully score an interview and hand out bundles of resumes and then the rest of the day is to be spent with Melody. Should be good. I swear to goodness I better find a job and FAST!

Listening to: A Mixtape I found creeping blogs.

Fact of the day: I'll love you forever if I ever love at all.

Life likes to throw curveballs.

George Brown called today. They have more spaces open for the program I was rejected from. I have another chance to re-take the test for this semester, which means I could potentially be going to school again this year. I'm not too sure how I feel about this as of yet. I was just warming up to the idea of having a year off. On the other hand I really did want to do this and this might be my second chance, everyone deserves one right? I have to practice my skirt making skills asap. I am going to buy patterns tonight and I'm working for a solid week until I get this down.
The only other thing holding me back from wanting to go is that I now have no laptop, no money, no job. If I can possibly get another loan from the bank for tuition and first & last months rent, and a laptop I'll be set. I'll have some time to find a job then.

Listening to: 10 Days Late by Third Eye Blind
Fact of the day: For the first time in my life I thought I had my life in order; apparently not.

To live in discontent, anti-establishment.

Every morning the first words out of my mouth should not be: OUUUUUCH! FUUUUCK! CHICAGO! But unfortunately I think my cat is teething or some shit. He is chewing anything and everything including but not limited to: my legs, my toes, my hair, my fingers, my arms, paper, boxes, hair bands, fake plants. He really does not do much dammage, its just his freaking claws that hurt so much when he grabs onto your head, legs, feet, or any part of the body. I'm hoping he is done all of this by the time it comes to move out. Funny thing is, I'm getting another kitten in the coming week so I'll have to deal with this all over again.

I handed out a bunch of resumes this weekend in hops of finding a full-time job before move in day comes. If I can do this, I can move out. If I have no luck, I may have to live at home leaving my roommates high and dry, which I really do not want to do. I am heading back to the city on Friday and hopefully finding a job then as well. I wouldnt even mind having two jobs just to be safe.

Listening to: Chorus of One by Strike Anywhere

Fact of the day: my legs still hate me.

No eating dinner on Mondays.

I've decided that from now on I am going to join Jess and Trevor Monday nights for Symposium hangs. Food is so good, but if I eat dinner (which I did last night) then I will not be able to fully enjoy the symposium experience.

My blog has also gone so far downhill that I dont even see a point in updating it anymore.
I don't even care about whats going on in my life and I doubt the other 4 people who glance at this every so often care either.

Listening to: Art is Hard by Cursive

Fact of the day: I am glad for days with nothing to do but read, knit, blog and draw.

Letters to my body.

Dear digestive system,

Thank you for working as hard as you do, but you could throw in a little more effort.

Dear liver,

I am sorry for the next year and a half. Don’t hate me.

Dear legs,

Thank you for repeatedly dragging my lazy bones anywhere and everywhere I’ve been.

Dear arms,

You have been neglected for far too long. I’ll start lifting some heavy things so you feel useful.

Dear toes,

I'm not sure why you hurt so much; ill try to improve how I walk.

Dear hands and fingers,

I'm sorry for slowly developing carpel tunnel. If you hate me one day I understand.

Dear back,

Strengthen your bones.

Dear ankles,

I know how badly you’ve wanted to over the years, but thank you for not giving up on me just yet.

Dear eyes,

I’m so glad you work so well. The things you have let me see are beautiful; even in the ugliest places. You are appreciated.

Dear ears,

Without you I would not know how wonderful music sounds; thus I would lead an unfulfilled life.

Dear taste buds,

You have made me fat. But thank you for letting me enjoy it.

Dear brain,

You could be a little smarter, make me a little less lazy, but I guess you’ve got me this far. Thank you for not being ridiculously dumb and pretty good with common sense.

Dear funny bones,

You really aren’t funny at all.

Dear feet,

I’ll try my best to lessen your load.

Dear everything else,

You have put up with my bullshit for so long, but you’re a part of me. The shit storm has yet to come. Prepare yourself.

Love Jen.

Listening to: Mama I'm Satan by Cursive

Fact of the day: I miss knitting.

Thank you for your thoughts but I am done.

I have been so disappointed with everything I have done lately that it is finally my time to get away. On Thursday I will be on my way to Montreal for the Osheaga festival happening July 31^st – August 1^st. I still have yet to find a place to rest my head but I’m really not too worried about it. If it comes down to it, I’ll sleep in parks for 4 nights. I don’t even care; I just need to get away from here. But hopefully either my dad or Dylan’s gets back to me with a place to stay.

I’ve also realized many things about myself this summer:

I am patient.

I am creative.

I am willing.

I am strong.

I can let go.

I am secure with being insecure.

I am a good friend.

I will not let small things ruin the bigger picture.

I am not happy with my job but I am happy I met the people I work with.

Money will not ruin my life.

I am a horrible at saving anything.

I truly love my family; even when I’m a bad daughter / sister / granddaughter.

I appreciate many people for what they have done and done to me.

I will someday attain my goals.

I will not let me ruin myself.

Listening to: Coney Island by Good Old War.

Fact of the day: This is my binge.

Jealousy lay all your spells to bed I’ll choose unloved instead.

Straight up, I love the truth. And that is all.


Listening to: Unattainable by Littly Joy

Fact of the day: New Flatliners = pretty decent.

This weekend was one for the books.

- Cliff Jumping
- Bike rides everywhere

- Hot tub

- Pool

- Pride
- Veggie dogs galore
& awesome people.

More swimming this weekend than I did all last year. I am stoked for more swims, jumps, rides, food and friends!

Listening to: fans scattered among ceilings around my house.

Fact of the day: I need a job and a house.

I'm frustrated with myself but I can’t change. I don’t want to be me anymore.

I have my G2 test on July 9^th. The only thing I’m worried about is my parallel parking. I have never attempted it. And frankly I really don’t see the point of it. If there was no room for a parking lot, the builders and contractors should have mapped places out better, and if they still couldn’t find a space to fit in a parking lot, they should have let the land alone and built somewhere else. Parallel parking is not only difficult but it is dangerous. Not for reasons relating to the actual parking job but the location of those parking spots leave the driver at risk of getting hit just by getting out of the car. I mean, after all the frustration of having to try and park a vehicle in a small spot then having to wait, sometime for at least 5 minutes, to get out of the car trying not to get hit, its just not worth it. What the heck is the point of a parallel parking spot? When I get my license I promise myself I will never be forced to park in one of these silly spots. I will make an attempt to find a parking lot and if I have to walk a little farther, so be it.

Listening to: Barnacle Goose by Born Ruffians

Fact of the day: I'm Indecisive.

Wish me well, you can go to hell.

So for the past few days I've been thinking a lot about new and old things that are still present in my life. Some things have disappeared, some have reappeared, and some things never change. I haven’t yet decided what I think of these things, they have just been thought of.

Listening to: Wish me well (you can go to hell) by the Bouncing Souls
Fact of the day: Something isn't right but I know I love you.

Pissed. Pissed. Pissed.

That’s the theme for today, and probably the rest of my week; and or life.

I treat my MacBook Pro like its my baby, yet the computer guy calls and tells me he found liquid and sticky stuff inside and now Apple wont cover with warranty. WHAT THE FUCK?! I wouldn’t be surprised if it was that dude who spilt his coffee everywhere and then dropped his jelly donut on top of it.

I cannot for the life of me think what it could be! If I had spilt something on that thing I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. Something like that I would not forget.

DOUCHEBAGS. EVERYWHERE. DOUCHEBAGS.

Listening to: Walls Of Jericho by Animal Kingdom

Fact of the day: PISSED.

Monday morning you sure look fine.

So Monday night pretty much ruled. I got to hang out with some sweet people and have a great time, which I haven't done in a long while. I was supposed to attend a soccer game, but I bailed to go see Strike Anywhere. As my luck would have it, with also drinking too many rockstar vodkas, I got more hurt than I would have if I had gone to soccer. But I had a blast; it was worth it. I am usually an embarrassing mess when I'm drunk but whatever, I don't think I was thaaaat bad this time. My job has taken 96% of all the time I have in a week, so I though I deserved it. I havent seen the people I got to hang out with in a very long time, and it was really nice. I miss good times.

Listening to: Monday morning by Fleetwood Mac.

Fact fo the day: First you love me then you get on down the line.

Even though we have to say goodbye, keep me in mind.

My parents were watching a movie one night after I came home from work and it reminded me of something I'd been set on doing for a while but have yet to actually get around to. I want a pen pal.
The movie, Max and Mary, was a claymation about a little 8 year old girl who lived in Australia wondering where babies came from in the US; as they came from beer glasses in Australia. She picked a name out of the phonebook and sent a 48 year old man a letter asking him just this. The entire movie was based around their pen pal relationship. It was sad but it was cute; for lack of a better term.

Anyways, I've decided im going to give this a shot. I'm picking a random name out of the phonebook and sending this person a letter. I hope they don't think I'm creepy. I'm going to get started on this letter right away. When I'm done, the name picking begins.

Listening to: Keep me in mind by Little Joy.

Fact of the day: Sometime I can't help but feel that I'm wasting all of my time.

Stick to tape.

How to dispose of excess glue:

Step one:

- Pour amount of glue needed out of ridiculously huge container onto plate for use.

Step two:

- Construct project.

Step three:

- Spill glue over project soaking paper making project ball of glue.

Step four:

- Throw project out.

Step five:

- Sit and sulk in discontent.

Step six:

- Repeat.

Listening to: Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac

Fact of the day: Stevie Nicks you are wonderful.

I got called a porn star today.

I don’t know how to take that.

Then I also got called a runway / supermodel.

What the heck.

Listening to: Exiles among you by The Weakerthans

Fact of the day: I am repulsive.

I need to talk to you

Please want to talk to me.

I had my fist soccer game in a very long time last night. Needless to say, I am very out of shape. Biking to Milton twice does not make up for a year of being unfit. Hopefully I’ll be inspired to go running on the trail more often. I also hope this painting job helps keep me in some sort of shape.

Today I ventured to Oakville. The drive was nice. It made me realize that summer has full potential to be awesome. I think today would have been the perfect day to kick off cliff jumping season; which needs to be done this year for sure. The last time I went was a couple of years ago I believe. We went when it was dark, windy, cold, and raining. I ended up not jumping because I was cold enough just in the rain, if I had of been soaked in the water as well, I would have had an even worse night than I did.

I need money. I need friends. I need a license. I need time.

Listening to: Grind by Down With Webster

Fact of the day: There is a crow outside my window.

If these walls could sing.

So I did not get into George Brown this year. I was bummed out for a little bit but I knew it was bound to happen. I haven’t had all the practice I really need. That’s why I’m not going to let this discourage me. I knew I needed more experience before I could get in. That’s why this year I am taking it off from school but not giving up on what I want to do. I will continue to practice, practice, practice, making things with thread and fabric. I do not need to be in school to do what I am passionate about; although it would help. I shall try again next year!

In near future of this summer, July 31^st and August 1st to be exact (maybe one day earlier to a day later), Bradley and I will be traveling to Montreal for the Oshega festival; seeing a plethora of sweet bands in a sweet place. Stoked! [Everyone’s invited]

Listening to: Lean on Sheena by the Bouncing Souls

Fact of the day: Don't let it bring you down.

Here we are after dark

So I’ve been stingy with the posts as summer has started.

A quick overview of the past few weeks:

- Awesome day with bikes and birthday beers with Jess. I was going to bike to Milton to hang out but she was super awesome and picked me up.

- My sister then bet me how long it would actually take me to bike to Milton a couple days later -> 1.5h

- I got a job with Student Works Painting

- I started looking for places to inhabit with Alycia and Cait.

- House warming party for Lydia and Rachel in Guelph. Lots of fun. I miss them. I also miss Hanging out with Kristina who was able to pick us up and go to Guelph.

- I helped my mom put up and tear down the set of the play she was just in. We got to take home someone’s old desk. I have now deemed it my sewing table; Harrison. The machine has yet to be set up, but it won’t take long. I just need to get my hands on some fabric first.

- My sister and I have come up with a plan to get into business together. (stay tuned on that one!)

- I was supposed to start soccer on Sunday; but it was mother’s day and I was in Brampton for that.

- I went to watch Brad play softball. I ended up playing… and I think in turn joining the team. I now play church league softball (I have NEVER played baseball/ softball, before today, in my life; I wasn’t as terrible as I thought I would be. In fact I even caught a ball and got someone out. I am also not religious in the slightest. Shhh.)

Brad and I have come up with a Summer To Do list. I cannot remember what exactly was on it but as it comes back to me I will try to remember to write it down for myself.

A few things I can remember on it are:

- Picnics

- Science Center

- Zoo

- Make waffles

- Camping

- Beach

- Scene Fest

- Swimming

I don’t know why I can’t remember. There were at least 5 more. Oh well.

Listening to: Sarah Saturday by The Bouncing Souls.

Fact of the day: I need to rediscover old habits.

Today I am finished school.

Today will be grand.

Today I will fly.

Today I wish not to touch the ground.

Today I will celebrate making it through.

Today will be a good day.

For Today,

That is all.

Listening to: Diamond Lanterns by This is Hell

Fact of the day: has been stated.

She got a bad case of the wilds.

I am no longer happy.

And this will be my life for the next (hopefully little) while.

If anyone needs a roommate, or knows of someone who does, in TO next year let me know.

Right now I could just use a hug.

Listening to: Easy Tiger by ETID

Fact of the day: This is always my luck.

Someone to be is something to me.

Everyone wants to be someone.

Every one wants to be someone's something.

Listening to: 8/27/05 by This is Hell

Fact of the day: I miss you too.

Anaconda Sniper -

It's too late to fix this.

What's the point?

This is all so pointless.

Sorry I tried so hard.

Just next time that I see you,

Just remind me not to act just like I care.

All those memories you killed.

You're just burning bridges you helped build.

And everything that I say,

I hope it brings you back to that one day.

All I have left to do is to just keep

Reminding myself to forget about you.

Listening to: ^ by Title Fight.

Fact of the day: My first 98%, who would think it would happen in university?

Rachel.

I'm really sorry your card is super late!

Here it is, kind of.

But I'm finally done!

I threw in some Beatles tunes that reminded me of you.

... I also Just realized these were all different days but I'm wearing the same sweater. I like to paint in it haha.

Listening to: Hymn Of The Medical Oddity by The Weakerthans.

Fact of the day: I am glad.

Procrastination has a first name: Ubiquitous

I am only now finding myself wanting/ having the time to finally read the books I was supposed to read for school. As the year is coming to a close, and reading these books now will do me absolutely no good with regards to my marks, I'm going to do it any way.

Fuck you Ubiquitous!

Listening to: Fearless Vampires by This is Hell

Fact of the day: I'm OK, I hope you are too.

Prayin' for the end of time so I can end my time with you.

Tomorrow I have to meet with my group before class to go over our presentation. We have to meet at 8:15am. This is going to be a difficult task as I usually set my alarm for this class (that starts at 9am) for 7:30 am, and press snooze until around 8:45am. I then casually wander over to Second Cup, order my Soy Maple Latte, and arrive at class approximately 10-20 min late.

After class Melody and I are headed back to Limehouse for the evening. I have a dentist appointment around 7pm, which I am not looking forward to. However, hopefully Jessiie will still want to hang out later, and Melody and I wont be bored in the middle of no where all night.

:)

Listening to: Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf.

Fact of the Day: Punch yourself.

The loop line takes you round and through.

I slept for over 12h. I had a dream about you. It was the only one I remembered. I woke up happy. Then I remembered what reality was. I am sad for that.

Listening to: Osaka Loop Line by Discovery.

Fact of the day: I'm still alive, with or without you.

My life for the past two days:

- Coffee

- Essay

- Coffee

- Project

- Coffee

- More project / essay ^

- Breakfast

- Quick 1h 1/2 nap (at most)

- Soccer game

- Shower

- Coffee

- Class

- Coffee

- Script writing

- Media networking event

- Media networking presentation

- Script filming

- Painting my dads office

- Burger King celebrations

- Documentary watching for essay to follow

- Gym

- Shower

- Terrible coffee

- Essay

- Here and now 4:20am, 2 days later.

No sleep. Hurray.

There is probably more in between, but I think I've covered the majority.

I think my brain is too tired to function, but it is confused as to what to do from all the caffeine.

Listening to: my body curse at me.

Fact of the day: I could go for a few more hours.

No sleep for the weak.

This means me.

Tonight will be filled with writing, writing, researching and more writing. Feel free to help me procrastinate and make this night not oh-so-boring; ask me a question I'd have fun answering.

I AM that crazy girl you see wandering the halls at ridiculous hours trying to escape her homework.

Listening to: The Deadly Rythm by Refused.

Fact of the day: Sometime I wish you were a douche.

I only work well under pressure.

I'm not perfect, in fact no where near. Stop expecting so many things of me. Stop expecting the best; I promise you I'm the worst.

Something New. Is it something new?

Also,

As I was walking back to my room after getting myself something to eat, there were these guys talking about having a rabbit for easter.

Not only would that be the most heartbreaking thing for a kid to hear: "Honey, we caught the easter bunny! Now we're eating him," but to hear that your parents caught him and decided to eat him instead of holding him hostage for all his chocolate eggs? What a waste.

Don't eat meat.

Listening to: Wishing Well by The Airborne Toxic Event

Fact of the day: WIN (click it).

Want.

So basically...

This is the bike I dream about.

The only thing I need to do for it to be the actual bike of my dreams, is paint it purple and throw on a basket.

If someone could make this happen I would be forever indebted to you. Especially since I will be living downtown next year and a bike would be more than handy; and just a heck load of fun.

Listening to: They Syrian Bride (movie); in class.

Fact of the day: This is post 100.

Technology is mobile.

This is me at school. Hating life, and looking like I have a tooth ache when really I'm just trying not to stress while staring down my homework.

This is what would happen if I got lip implants.

My mom thinks I'm funny.

My sister creeps me.

My friends use this to keep up to date in my life.

I need to stop writing about myself and start actually talking to human beings.

Listening to: Media Convergence , class YouTube video.

Fact of the day: Coffee needs to become my best friend again.

The fish are gone.

My week of hell began yesterday, and will last until next Wednesday.

Due:

Thursday- tomorrow: A presentation / Essay

Friday: A presentation / Write up

Monday: End of term journals / Essay

Tuesday: Term Essay

Wednesday: Term Essay

Fuck this.

Listening to: Fashionable teacher.

Fact of the day: I needed you most and you bailed; maybe I bailed first.

This is me.

-I don't have perfect hair.

My hair bothers me.

-I have just enough friends to get me by.

I paid $12,000 for my newest.

-I am not happy in my school.

I would much rather be at home.

-I am not very good at art.

I wish I kept it up in earlier years.

I still love it.

-Someone will always be better than me at anything I do.

So I better just do the best that I can.

-I don't drink soft drinks.

They are not soft at all.

-My taste in music varies from day to day.

But its always the same mix.

-I still sleep with my teddy and his pal doggy.

Their names will remain the same as long as live; I'm original.

-I am creative.

But I don't get the chance to express it anymore.

Mostly because I am consumed by procrastination through technology.

Such as writing blogs.

-I wish I stuck to my plan of procrastination through creativity.

-I like to play soccer.

Although I'm not very good.

-I am not good in front of large crowds.

I would make a terrible politician.

Presentations suck.

-I like organic food.

Because I actually, thoroughly, enjoy the taste of healthy.

I rarely enjoy junk food.

-I drink coffees that are way too expensive.

I guess they might be classified as 'junk food;' they are not healthy at all.

-I don't need a new phone.

But it would be nice to have one.

-I like to take pictures to remember things.

Not to show them off.

-I like to use toiletries to make me smell nice.

Lush is my favourite store.

-I like to read.

But don't do near enough of it.

-If I say I am going to do something I keep my word.

Even to myself.

-I say what I mean and keep to myself everything else.

-I am messy.

But I'm not dirty.

There is a difference.

-I love tattoos.

But am too broke to get more.

Yet I've got them planned out.

Frustrating.

-Purple is my favourite colour.

-I like clothes.

I like to dress myself nicely.

I like to think I look OK most of the time.

-I want to make clothes.

-I want to go to George Brown.

-I just want out of here.

-I text the same two people every day.

Rarely there is a third.

-I love to shop.

It makes me feel good.

-I smoke weed.

Because I can.

-I always feel tired.

Even when I'm not.

-I am very observant.

-I have a strange sense of humor.

Sometimes I can be funny.

-I can seem spacey and unintelligent.

-I don't judge.

-Sunlight makes me happy.

I need to get more of it.

-I don't like to quit.

I feel horrible if I do.

-I eat too much.

I just can't stop.

Sushi is my favourite.

-I am quiet.

My voice does not resonate.

-I am not popular.

-I am not outgoing.

-I am not cool.

-I am Jen.

&

-I am OK with this.

Listening to: Did you see the word by Animal Collective.

Fact of the day: You took Me with you.

These things happen for a reason.

Reasons' line may be blurry but eventually our eyes will adjust.

Recent events have led me to believe most things do indeed happen for reasons that may or may not make sense in the present. However, with time things seem to level out. I've wanted what was coming for a while, I was just too attached to do it on my own. But at long last, the other party has made up for what I lack. There is still a part of me that wants this to be undone, but the better part of me does not want it to happen right now. Perhaps with time it will wander back to how it used to be.

For now, I guess this is for the best.

Listening to: Loud people.

Fact of the day: I need to get organized.

Life is unsatisfactory.

I took out my first loan for absolutely nothing. I should not have gone to school this year. I knew this before I accepted, yet I still thought I was doing the right thing. Peer pressure was at its worst last summer. Thus leaving me in a place I didn't want to be. I should have stuck to my gut instinct, telling me this was not the school for me. I just thank goodness I am able to make the decision to change my life for the better health of my sanity, in choosing where to go with my life from here. I have to remember I'm only 18. My life is far from over; I can start, and restart whenever I feel the need.

Listening to: Muffled music through loud headphones of a person sitting near to me.

Fact of the day: Soy Maple Lattes.

Medication Mediation.

You blew it.

Listening to: typing fingers.

Fact of the day: Bummed.

Sometimes.

Some days you just need to let it out.

Listening to: Flume by Bon Iver.

Fact of the day: I miss my friends.

It feels like none of this is real, I pretend that my heart and my head are well.

I just drew myself a self-portrait. I have finally realized exactly how unattractive I am; also how untalented I have become.

:

I remember a time, way back in grade 3, when we had an art assignment to pick a picture out of a magazine, cut it in half, and draw in the half that was missing, for a task of understanding symmetry.

I saw the teacher marking my assignment and before she even put a grade on it, she threw it straight into the trash can. I went up to her and asked her why she threw out my assignment. She told me I didn't follow the instructions and just pasted the whole picture to the page. I then pleaded with her that I did no such thing (I was not that stupid). I pulled it out of the trash, made her touch the paper to see that half was a magazine and the other half was drawn and coloured, and colour matched (the teacher wore glasses). She then gave me an A+.

I still remember that it was a picture of a cheesecake with raspberry sauce drizzled overtop, on purple construction paper.

I miss loving to draw, and draw well. Even back in grade 3.

I no longer use art as my go-to, and I miss that. I hate that technology and school have sucked the creativity out of me.

Listening to: Forests and Sands by Camera Obscura

Fact of the day: It's only Tuesday.

Floor Meeting.

"Last night there was a robbery on campus. A man coming out of the pub was held up at gunpoint. The investigation is on going. The perpetrator has yet to be caught. There are no suspects. "

I love living on the first floor of the safest school around...

Listening to: Don't stop believing (Journey) by Sewing with Nancie

Fact of the day: I still haven't heard from GB.

Unimpressed and underdressed.

Last week kind of snowballed from bad to worse. I do not care to go into the events. However, I am hoping this week picks up. The weather should be great as well; so that should help.

My father bought me lunch today. 5 samosas for $2! I love real Indian food.

Listening to: The Ballad of Me and My Friends by Frank Turner

Fact of the day: We're lying for a living.

"If all would speak, who shall be left to listen?"

The other night, when Melody and I were rearranging my room, I found my hair scissors. They had fallen down behind the fridge

Dear Hair Scissors,

How I have missed you so. Using a straight edge is not as simple as snipping, clipping and styling with you. You glorious bundle of blade. I have missed the days we used to cut fine hair with little to no trouble at all. At last, you have been found and returned to my hands. Let the shearing rekindle its love.

Love always, Jen.

Listening to: My refrigerator make its watery noises.

Fact of the day: My eyes are dry.

Everyone in this room they got troubles too, secret stories and lives that we never knew.

This is my new plan of action:

- Get into GB

- If I do not, I am moving somewhere far and working for a year.

- Then I will try again.

As much as I hate school, I cannot do without it. So if I take a year off, there is no chance of me not returning. I don't want to be some bum working at a retail store or fast food chain for the rest of my life; hating what I do and hating the people I work with. I want to be able to do something that will make my days something I look forward to.

I want to live. Not merely exist.

Listening to: Xavia by The Submarines

Fact of the day: The youth was starting to change.

What is Jersey Shore and who is this Snooki character?

People are always referencing this silly television series that is not real but claims to be so. I have never seen it but from what I gather, its about stupid rich ginos and ginas, that can barely retain a vocabulary. They are constantly drunk and repeatedly making asses out of themselves by trying to make the public believe that they are cool.

Let it be known that I never intend on letting myself become enthralled in any sort of ‘reality’ show or television series such as this. This is a waste of time.

Listening to: Nothing, I’m in class.

Fact of the day: This week has to end.

We are not perfect, but we sure try

I don’t even feel like ranting about the terrible events of the day. I’d just rather wish today never even happened at all. If I’d of slept through today, I would be a lot happier than I am now. Which is a shame because the weather outside today was wonderful.

I made dinner tonight though with Melody. It was really good. And this morning at around 2am we also rearranged my room. It now looks a lots more spacious. It is now somewhere I don’t mine spending my time. Although I still really miss my room at home.

Listening to: God knows (you gotta give to get) by El Perro Del mar

Fact of the day: The silent treatment is the worst.

I can't give it up.

So last night I came home to the fantastic surprise of canned peaches and chocolate soy milk. I cannot think of a better way to end my night... or for that matter, start my day.

I also came across the cutest little cigarettes I have ever seen. I thought the B&H superslims were the cutest, i was mistaken. Lilas, Vogue superslims are not only cute and tiny but they have a purple package to boot.

... Yes, I think packaging sells, and yes I think they sell oober cute superslims in nice packaging.

Admit it, you think you'd look cool with a cigarette in your hand just like Audrey Hepburn too.

Don't smoke.

Listening to: Infinity by The Xx

Fact of the day: These things are nice to know.