My life for the past two days:

- Coffee

- Essay

- Coffee

- Project

- Coffee

- More project / essay ^

- Breakfast

- Quick 1h 1/2 nap (at most)

- Soccer game

- Shower

- Coffee

- Class

- Coffee

- Script writing

- Media networking event

- Media networking presentation

- Script filming

- Painting my dads office

- Burger King celebrations

- Documentary watching for essay to follow

- Gym

- Shower

- Terrible coffee

- Essay

- Here and now 4:20am, 2 days later.

No sleep. Hurray.

There is probably more in between, but I think I've covered the majority.

I think my brain is too tired to function, but it is confused as to what to do from all the caffeine.

Listening to: my body curse at me.

Fact of the day: I could go for a few more hours.

No sleep for the weak.

This means me.

Tonight will be filled with writing, writing, researching and more writing. Feel free to help me procrastinate and make this night not oh-so-boring; ask me a question I'd have fun answering.

I AM that crazy girl you see wandering the halls at ridiculous hours trying to escape her homework.

Listening to: The Deadly Rythm by Refused.

Fact of the day: Sometime I wish you were a douche.

I only work well under pressure.

I'm not perfect, in fact no where near. Stop expecting so many things of me. Stop expecting the best; I promise you I'm the worst.

Something New. Is it something new?

Also,

As I was walking back to my room after getting myself something to eat, there were these guys talking about having a rabbit for easter.

Not only would that be the most heartbreaking thing for a kid to hear: "Honey, we caught the easter bunny! Now we're eating him," but to hear that your parents caught him and decided to eat him instead of holding him hostage for all his chocolate eggs? What a waste.

Don't eat meat.

Listening to: Wishing Well by The Airborne Toxic Event

Fact of the day: WIN (click it).

Want.

So basically...

This is the bike I dream about.

The only thing I need to do for it to be the actual bike of my dreams, is paint it purple and throw on a basket.

If someone could make this happen I would be forever indebted to you. Especially since I will be living downtown next year and a bike would be more than handy; and just a heck load of fun.

Listening to: They Syrian Bride (movie); in class.

Fact of the day: This is post 100.

Technology is mobile.

This is me at school. Hating life, and looking like I have a tooth ache when really I'm just trying not to stress while staring down my homework.

This is what would happen if I got lip implants.

My mom thinks I'm funny.

My sister creeps me.

My friends use this to keep up to date in my life.

I need to stop writing about myself and start actually talking to human beings.

Listening to: Media Convergence , class YouTube video.

Fact of the day: Coffee needs to become my best friend again.

The fish are gone.

My week of hell began yesterday, and will last until next Wednesday.

Due:

Thursday- tomorrow: A presentation / Essay

Friday: A presentation / Write up

Monday: End of term journals / Essay

Tuesday: Term Essay

Wednesday: Term Essay

Fuck this.

Listening to: Fashionable teacher.

Fact of the day: I needed you most and you bailed; maybe I bailed first.

This is me.

-I don't have perfect hair.

My hair bothers me.

-I have just enough friends to get me by.

I paid $12,000 for my newest.

-I am not happy in my school.

I would much rather be at home.

-I am not very good at art.

I wish I kept it up in earlier years.

I still love it.

-Someone will always be better than me at anything I do.

So I better just do the best that I can.

-I don't drink soft drinks.

They are not soft at all.

-My taste in music varies from day to day.

But its always the same mix.

-I still sleep with my teddy and his pal doggy.

Their names will remain the same as long as live; I'm original.

-I am creative.

But I don't get the chance to express it anymore.

Mostly because I am consumed by procrastination through technology.

Such as writing blogs.

-I wish I stuck to my plan of procrastination through creativity.

-I like to play soccer.

Although I'm not very good.

-I am not good in front of large crowds.

I would make a terrible politician.

Presentations suck.

-I like organic food.

Because I actually, thoroughly, enjoy the taste of healthy.

I rarely enjoy junk food.

-I drink coffees that are way too expensive.

I guess they might be classified as 'junk food;' they are not healthy at all.

-I don't need a new phone.

But it would be nice to have one.

-I like to take pictures to remember things.

Not to show them off.

-I like to use toiletries to make me smell nice.

Lush is my favourite store.

-I like to read.

But don't do near enough of it.

-If I say I am going to do something I keep my word.

Even to myself.

-I say what I mean and keep to myself everything else.

-I am messy.

But I'm not dirty.

There is a difference.

-I love tattoos.

But am too broke to get more.

Yet I've got them planned out.

Frustrating.

-Purple is my favourite colour.

-I like clothes.

I like to dress myself nicely.

I like to think I look OK most of the time.

-I want to make clothes.

-I want to go to George Brown.

-I just want out of here.

-I text the same two people every day.

Rarely there is a third.

-I love to shop.

It makes me feel good.

-I smoke weed.

Because I can.

-I always feel tired.

Even when I'm not.

-I am very observant.

-I have a strange sense of humor.

Sometimes I can be funny.

-I can seem spacey and unintelligent.

-I don't judge.

-Sunlight makes me happy.

I need to get more of it.

-I don't like to quit.

I feel horrible if I do.

-I eat too much.

I just can't stop.

Sushi is my favourite.

-I am quiet.

My voice does not resonate.

-I am not popular.

-I am not outgoing.

-I am not cool.

-I am Jen.

&

-I am OK with this.

Listening to: Did you see the word by Animal Collective.

Fact of the day: You took Me with you.

These things happen for a reason.

Reasons' line may be blurry but eventually our eyes will adjust.

Recent events have led me to believe most things do indeed happen for reasons that may or may not make sense in the present. However, with time things seem to level out. I've wanted what was coming for a while, I was just too attached to do it on my own. But at long last, the other party has made up for what I lack. There is still a part of me that wants this to be undone, but the better part of me does not want it to happen right now. Perhaps with time it will wander back to how it used to be.

For now, I guess this is for the best.

Listening to: Loud people.

Fact of the day: I need to get organized.

Life is unsatisfactory.

I took out my first loan for absolutely nothing. I should not have gone to school this year. I knew this before I accepted, yet I still thought I was doing the right thing. Peer pressure was at its worst last summer. Thus leaving me in a place I didn't want to be. I should have stuck to my gut instinct, telling me this was not the school for me. I just thank goodness I am able to make the decision to change my life for the better health of my sanity, in choosing where to go with my life from here. I have to remember I'm only 18. My life is far from over; I can start, and restart whenever I feel the need.

Listening to: Muffled music through loud headphones of a person sitting near to me.

Fact of the day: Soy Maple Lattes.

Medication Mediation.

You blew it.

Listening to: typing fingers.

Fact of the day: Bummed.

Sometimes.

Some days you just need to let it out.

Listening to: Flume by Bon Iver.

Fact of the day: I miss my friends.

It feels like none of this is real, I pretend that my heart and my head are well.

I just drew myself a self-portrait. I have finally realized exactly how unattractive I am; also how untalented I have become.

:

I remember a time, way back in grade 3, when we had an art assignment to pick a picture out of a magazine, cut it in half, and draw in the half that was missing, for a task of understanding symmetry.

I saw the teacher marking my assignment and before she even put a grade on it, she threw it straight into the trash can. I went up to her and asked her why she threw out my assignment. She told me I didn't follow the instructions and just pasted the whole picture to the page. I then pleaded with her that I did no such thing (I was not that stupid). I pulled it out of the trash, made her touch the paper to see that half was a magazine and the other half was drawn and coloured, and colour matched (the teacher wore glasses). She then gave me an A+.

I still remember that it was a picture of a cheesecake with raspberry sauce drizzled overtop, on purple construction paper.

I miss loving to draw, and draw well. Even back in grade 3.

I no longer use art as my go-to, and I miss that. I hate that technology and school have sucked the creativity out of me.

Listening to: Forests and Sands by Camera Obscura

Fact of the day: It's only Tuesday.

Floor Meeting.

"Last night there was a robbery on campus. A man coming out of the pub was held up at gunpoint. The investigation is on going. The perpetrator has yet to be caught. There are no suspects. "

I love living on the first floor of the safest school around...

Listening to: Don't stop believing (Journey) by Sewing with Nancie

Fact of the day: I still haven't heard from GB.

Unimpressed and underdressed.

Last week kind of snowballed from bad to worse. I do not care to go into the events. However, I am hoping this week picks up. The weather should be great as well; so that should help.

My father bought me lunch today. 5 samosas for $2! I love real Indian food.

Listening to: The Ballad of Me and My Friends by Frank Turner

Fact of the day: We're lying for a living.

"If all would speak, who shall be left to listen?"

The other night, when Melody and I were rearranging my room, I found my hair scissors. They had fallen down behind the fridge

Dear Hair Scissors,

How I have missed you so. Using a straight edge is not as simple as snipping, clipping and styling with you. You glorious bundle of blade. I have missed the days we used to cut fine hair with little to no trouble at all. At last, you have been found and returned to my hands. Let the shearing rekindle its love.

Love always, Jen.

Listening to: My refrigerator make its watery noises.

Fact of the day: My eyes are dry.

Everyone in this room they got troubles too, secret stories and lives that we never knew.

This is my new plan of action:

- Get into GB

- If I do not, I am moving somewhere far and working for a year.

- Then I will try again.

As much as I hate school, I cannot do without it. So if I take a year off, there is no chance of me not returning. I don't want to be some bum working at a retail store or fast food chain for the rest of my life; hating what I do and hating the people I work with. I want to be able to do something that will make my days something I look forward to.

I want to live. Not merely exist.

Listening to: Xavia by The Submarines

Fact of the day: The youth was starting to change.

What is Jersey Shore and who is this Snooki character?

People are always referencing this silly television series that is not real but claims to be so. I have never seen it but from what I gather, its about stupid rich ginos and ginas, that can barely retain a vocabulary. They are constantly drunk and repeatedly making asses out of themselves by trying to make the public believe that they are cool.

Let it be known that I never intend on letting myself become enthralled in any sort of ‘reality’ show or television series such as this. This is a waste of time.

Listening to: Nothing, I’m in class.

Fact of the day: This week has to end.

We are not perfect, but we sure try

I don’t even feel like ranting about the terrible events of the day. I’d just rather wish today never even happened at all. If I’d of slept through today, I would be a lot happier than I am now. Which is a shame because the weather outside today was wonderful.

I made dinner tonight though with Melody. It was really good. And this morning at around 2am we also rearranged my room. It now looks a lots more spacious. It is now somewhere I don’t mine spending my time. Although I still really miss my room at home.

Listening to: God knows (you gotta give to get) by El Perro Del mar

Fact of the day: The silent treatment is the worst.

I can't give it up.

So last night I came home to the fantastic surprise of canned peaches and chocolate soy milk. I cannot think of a better way to end my night... or for that matter, start my day.

I also came across the cutest little cigarettes I have ever seen. I thought the B&H superslims were the cutest, i was mistaken. Lilas, Vogue superslims are not only cute and tiny but they have a purple package to boot.

... Yes, I think packaging sells, and yes I think they sell oober cute superslims in nice packaging.

Admit it, you think you'd look cool with a cigarette in your hand just like Audrey Hepburn too.

Don't smoke.

Listening to: Infinity by The Xx

Fact of the day: These things are nice to know.