Smitten

Why do you think people are so miserable these days? It’s because it is so fucking hard to wake up and smell the flowers with a fist full of cow fart smashed into your face. If you think of someone passing wind outside sure you can hear it but very rarely can you smell it; and if you can, the stench doesn’t stay for very long. Why is it then all summer long, when I’m driving home, the lingering stench of a cow’s anus can be smelt? This could be due to cows spontaneously combusting on a daily basis and producing a rancid smell that filters throughout the air, but it is more realistically due to the fact that cows are unnecessarily over produced. Now those poor cows can do nothing to cover up their smell; and worst of all, if one cow lets their gas go, they all get blamed for it. A cow can’t stick up for itself. Have you ever tried to hold in gas built up inside you for so long that it hurts, so that you don’t embarrass yourself by accidentally letting something natural happen? What if you were that one cow who didn’t want to be embarrassed, and then sally over there goes and ruins it for the heard? Next time your meat-lovin’ behind drives by a farm and wants to complain about the raunchy stink of (what should be) fresh air, remind your self-centered self that if it weren’t for people like you: we wouldn’t have to produce so many cows, pollute so much of our air, condemn so many souls to death, and smell that grotesque odor we are unfortunately so commonly used to.

(I’m not saying you have to go vegan, just don’t blame the cows when you’re uncomfortable with the air that surrounds you. )