Lisa

I just got home from my very first drive-in experience. Overall I think it’s safe to say it pretty much sucked. I mean, the company was good, the weather wasn’t terrible, we were just a little under prepared, and the movies weren’t all that great. Next time we need a truck, more blankets and pillows, and to get there earlier to get a good spot without a pole blocking our view.
The first movie that was playing was Obsessed. Now we all know who Beyonce is; and now we all know she is a singer and that is it. Okay, to be fair, her acting wasn’t that bad, but it really wasn’t that great. Unless her aim was to pretend to be a rich upper-class black person who brought out the stereotypical racial accent of a lower class citizen living in the ghetto, she should stick to singing and dancing.
Overall this movie just felt like a dragged out trailer; with no definitive beginning middle or ending.
The next movie was Angels and Demons. Which isn’t a bad movie, from what I gathered, but also wasn’t a ‘drive-in’ sort of movie. It’s one of those movies you’d rent and watch at home all curled up in warm blankets on the couch with your warm coca and cookies; not laying on hard rocks with a thin layer of fabric separating you from the gravel.
We arrived half way through Obsessed (thank god), fell asleep watching Angels &Demons, and when I wasn’t sleeping I was trying to watch Star Trek on the screen to the left (which looked like it ruled!). Lydia,Wes, and I all wanted to see it but somehow we lost the vote.
But I’m glad I finally went to the drive-in, and I also picked up a few helpful tips for next time: Bring a pillow, more blankets, and don’t let David pick movies.

Smitten

Why do you think people are so miserable these days? It’s because it is so fucking hard to wake up and smell the flowers with a fist full of cow fart smashed into your face. If you think of someone passing wind outside sure you can hear it but very rarely can you smell it; and if you can, the stench doesn’t stay for very long. Why is it then all summer long, when I’m driving home, the lingering stench of a cow’s anus can be smelt? This could be due to cows spontaneously combusting on a daily basis and producing a rancid smell that filters throughout the air, but it is more realistically due to the fact that cows are unnecessarily over produced. Now those poor cows can do nothing to cover up their smell; and worst of all, if one cow lets their gas go, they all get blamed for it. A cow can’t stick up for itself. Have you ever tried to hold in gas built up inside you for so long that it hurts, so that you don’t embarrass yourself by accidentally letting something natural happen? What if you were that one cow who didn’t want to be embarrassed, and then sally over there goes and ruins it for the heard? Next time your meat-lovin’ behind drives by a farm and wants to complain about the raunchy stink of (what should be) fresh air, remind your self-centered self that if it weren’t for people like you: we wouldn’t have to produce so many cows, pollute so much of our air, condemn so many souls to death, and smell that grotesque odor we are unfortunately so commonly used to.

(I’m not saying you have to go vegan, just don’t blame the cows when you’re uncomfortable with the air that surrounds you. )