Seasonal Currents.

I am very stoked on life right now.
That is all.

Fact of the day: Patience.

Holiday

"Hello there,"
"I'm sorry do I know you?"
"Oh. No. I guess not. I'm sorry, you just looked like someone I thought I was."


Fact of the day: I wish you weren't the douchebag you've always been.

My Strawberries are Frozen.

For the first time in a long time, I'm pretty stoked on life.

This rarely happens, and I'm actually glad because it makes being happy that much more appreciated.

I'm almost done with the first semester, Christmas break is only two exams away, having time for being creative again is quickly approaching, and I've applied to another program I'm really stoked on.

I'm hoping to get into a fashion program. I know, I even surprised myself. But while I was doing a lot of thinking two nights ago, it hit me. I've always looked up to my grandma and how awesome she is at so many different things. I think we are actually quite alike. She made my grade 8 grad dress that I designed, my grade 12 prom dress that I also put together, she made all of my sister's bridesmaid dresses, and many more things for many other people; including I believe my aunt's wedding dress (She also made me my favourite blanket). I've always wanted to be able to make clothes and other knickknacks just like her. I think its just absolutely fascinating what can be created with nothing but a sheet of material and a sewing machine.

She is also a fantastic cook, and I love creating things in the kitchen, however, I'll tackle that one later.

For now, I'm really excited about this fashion thing.

I hope I get in. Fingers crossed!

Fact of the day: I wish I could be myself with you.

Mental Case Breakdown 101

Today I have officially decided I am not happy. Not in the "oh my god, I'm so depressed, I'm going to dress in black for the rest of my life and paint my face white" kind of unhappy; I am unhappy with the major decisions I have made in my life.

17 is far too young an age to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. I never fully understood how big of a decision choosing your university is until now; the last few days of the first semester. As a result of this, I realize I have made the wrong decision choosing the university for me. I thought I'd learn to like it... you can't learn to like something you're paying thousands for but still unsure of. You have to really want what you choose to do with your life, not hope you can coast on a "maybe I'll like it".

I'm stuck in a position that is leaving me with a major headache. For now I'll calm myself down with what I wish I was going to school for.

I'll start looking at colleges tomorrow.

Fact of the day: I never agree with myself.

Even the smallest are brave.

Before you fall asleep at night, whisper something nice for yourself. Only you know what you truly want to hear.

Fact of the day: I hope this lasts.

Upon completion I will be ruined.

Its 11:00 pm Monday night.

- Exam due tomorrow.

- Final project / in class exam Wednesday.

- Final project due Thursday.

- Presentation Friday.

- Exam due Monday.

Started any of them?

- Negative

Phuck.

Fact of the day: My sanity has escaped me.

Let it roll off your mind.

I like: +
+ Giraffes
+ Hot air balloons
+ Flowers
+ Clouds
+ Procrastination
+ Recycling
+ Smiles
+ Trees
+ Fashion
+ Dressing up for no occasion
+ Music you probably dislike
+ Rain boots/ snow boots
+ People watching
+ Listening
+ Tattoos
+ Cuddles
+ Being able to have a decent conversation with a human being
+ Being friendly
+ Painting/ art of any form
+ Fruit
+ Sleeping
+ Cameras
+ Reading
+ Being young
+ Juice
+ Friends
+ Dancing alone
+ Sisters
+ Friend hangs
+ Veganism
+ Chocolate soy milk
+ Fall
+ Picnics
+ Homemade popcorn
+ Tea
+ Lists

I dislike: -
- My addiction to capitalism
- Waking up too early
- Carbonated drinks
- Making assumptions
- Smoking
- Music you probably like
- One sided opinions
- Talking about myself
- Ignorant people
- Receiving gifts
- Stupid tattoos
- My stuttering / inability to clearly relay my thoughts
- Being lonely
- Taking forever to fall asleep
- Ugg boots
- Making fun of people
- Wisdom teeth
- The dentist
- Doctors/ hospitals
- Having my picture taken
- Wasting time
- Litter
- Memory loss
- Cell phones
- Most of technology use
- Being sick
- Needing a job
- Wanting to sleep when I don't have the time, not being able to sleep when I have the time

Fact of the day: I can’t wait for Christmas break.

Just so we're clear, you're saying we're all lost?

You're sorry you ever met me.

We're alone and we're happy, but there you are angry with me. Are You alright?

Fact of the day: we're strangers, we're not friends.

You're the worst.

I think you are the biggest douche ever. This time I mean it. I Hate You; and this sucks.

There are two completely unrelated people this could be directed to. I bet you can't guess who it is.

Fact of the day: I really cant believe it happened; again.

I want a pancake picnic.

I am really frustrated that I forgot to pick up canvases. My lady will remain headless for another week.

Fact of the day: We should do this more often.

New Best Friend.

This is what my life has come to.

I cannot stand carbonated energy drinks, they make me sick. Yet I still try to drink them to help keep me awake. They usually just end up making me feel like shit. And coffee has recently become my enemy again. It doesn't taste the same when you feel like you have to drink it; for the caffeine. This is the worst possible mixture for a university failure. OK well maybe hard drugs and alcohol beats it, but not by very much.

However, I have found my saviour. Far left above, pictured there in the corner, is my new best friend. Its name is Zhinergy. Carbonation free, caffeine jacked, JUICE. Now those of us who hope to keep somewhat of a healthy balance in our otherwise messed up routine/ habits can rejoice. Or for those of us who just don't like carbonated drinks, and have ruined coffee for ourselves. Stoked.

Fact of the day: rearrangement is needed.

Monster Party.

This is my life for the next three days.

Fact of the day: I'm failing.

Forgive the Mac.

Kind of bummed. My art project is going to have to be put on hold until I can get my hands on some more canvases. I did have enough to finish, until I didn't like the face I had come up with, and ruined the whole canvas that the face was to be on. Unfortunate but I'll be patient. Hopefully I'll pick some canvases up on Friday. Until then, perhaps I'll work on the unfinished backgrounds of the two I've got on the go. I'll leave you with the latest:

Her left thigh is a bit big but that because I messed up before I knew what I wanted to paint, and her shoulders look a little wide. Oh well. Its fun stuff! Great for procrastinators much like myself.

Fact of the day: I wish I knew myself better.

The best kind of bedtime snack.

Also, I’ve overflowed my mini-fridge with too many cartons of soy milk, juice, and food. Surprisingly. So I’ve got some snacks for when the cafe just isn’t what I need. Kitchen here I come!

Fact of the day: I still eat too much.

Sister Loves Me.

My art utensils were provided by the best of the best. Sister. Birthdays are where money is spent to show love; unfortunate, but I'll accept it.

I dislike birthdays very much for the fact of receiving gifts for doing absolutely nothing; or even less than nothing. I could be the absolute worst child ever born, be a heroin addict, have a child at the age of 14, become a drain on the welfare system, yet still receive a birthday gift annually for being less than worth it.

Anyways...

Thank you Sister, it is still very much appreciated! <3

Fact of the day: I miss being creative.

Part one of three incomplete

I just pulled an enormous hair out from my eye; almost as long as my pinky finger. What relevance does this have to your life and why did you need to know this information you ask? Well, none and you don't. Its just a simple time filler. However, as I was staring at my eye in the mirror for an extended period of time, I realized: I have no idea what colour my eyes are exactly. Either I'm going colour blind, or I've been deceived for years. I have been led to believe my eyes were blue my entire life, but while removing this annoyance lodged into my eye socket, I realized my eyes are more grayish than blue. The outer ring of my eye is blue, which I guess gives the appearance the rest looks blue as well, but the middle looks more of a pale-ish gray. Hmm...

I'm crazy.

And the lighting in here is terrible, I must run to the bathroom for further investigation.

...

The bathroom revealed my eyes to be a pale blue-green...

Also, I find eyes to be very pretty and interesting little things.

In conclusion to the eye business, I am going to conclude that the lighting is playing with me and my eyes are BLUE. As I've believed all along.

In other news, part one of three in my self assigned project is incomplete and awful looking, however, the only way to improve is to practice right? I shall start part two tonight hopefully and finish one as well.

As you may have guessed, I am constructing a person. Not too hard, but I'm not that good, so cut me some slack!

Fact of the day: I miss peanut butter chocolate bars.

This is Creative Procrastination.

I'm no good, but hopefully with time I'll be nearly acceptable!

Either way, its a blast.

... How I miss playing in the rain. How it used to be fun to go outside when it was raining, not worrying about getting my hair wet, or my make-up messed up. When I wasn't so vain. When I used to know what fun was. When storybooks had pictures. When reading was colourful. When eating involved junk; and I enjoyed it. When rain boots were cool. When clothing didn't matter. When colouring books were art. When things were easy. When pictures were for memories; not public display. When school wasn't so stressful. When bedtimes were the law. When candy had to be snuck before dinner. When family ate together. When dress shoes were 10 sizes too big, but dressing up was fun anyways. When having fun involved going outside for hours.

Times were much better.

Fact of the day: It wasn't so bad.

I wish I was an artist.

I really regret not taking art throughout high school. This upsets me gravely.

I’ve decided to give myself some arty projects to accomplish, making use of my procrastination. Hopefully this is a success and also helps me to improve some undeveloped skills I may have lying around. I can't wait. I hope I am motivated enough for this.

Fact of the day: procrastination will have to wait.

The Undo Button Is My Best Friend.

Hey! You're part of it.

Essays. Essays. Essays.

Its hard to get sleep when Lady Gaga and video games clash from the hallway to sound like thunderstorm, car crashes in an underground parking lot shooting.

Good thing I don't need to sleep tonight.

Fact of the day: I'm getting fatTER faster.

Insomnia strikes again

Well fuck.

Yet again, up studying late and now that I'm finally ready to get some sleep I'm not tired at all. I should study some more as I'm not nearly half prepared, but I'm sick of it. I've read more tonight than I ever have in one sitting. This isn't going to be a good day.

Fact of the day: I've slipped back into old habits.

Unfortunately, these things happen and we don’t move on.

When things don’t pull through the way we expect, we feel as though our entire world has permanently gone awry. We need to learn to get over things quickly, not forget, just move on. People can never be forgotten but they can be left in the past. Situations aren’t easy to accept, but they must be accepted. There is nothing we can do to change the past, but we can plan for a better future. Don’t mind the cliche(s). We have no idea what the future will bring us so live in the present. Stop trying to relive the past.

Fact of the day: I can’t keep you happy today.

We’re alike in so many different ways.

So I spent all last night studying, and not sleeping, for a midterm this afternoon. It was stupid easy. Not even worth my time. I should have known I really could have gotten some sleep. Now, my catch up time for sleep must be filled with either studying for another midterm or writing an essay, both need to be done within the next two days.

Am I going to use my time wisely? Well, I’m writing a blog right now, so my guess is probably not; as usual.

Also, Gemma and I went for lunch today. It wasn’t exactly up to par, but it was still good. The presentation was lacking a little. Previous times our dishes looked like pieces of art you’d feel like you were committing a crime wrecking / eating it. Mine was a little too spicy for my liking; but it wasn’t bad. We’ll still go every week.

Fact of the day: I’m not done yet.

T-minus breakdown

I have still not started to study. I have downed two horrible coffees to keep me awake all night and just realized my plan is a bust. As soon as I start to crash it will be time to write my exam. Fantastic. I am just the genius of the day!

Fact of the day: University is boarding school.

The greatest writers are all stoned.

So I have approximately 20 hours to fit in hours of studying, a lunch date, and sleep. Seems like enough. I’ve been working on the sleep all day, you’d think its time to study now wouldn’t you?

Fact is, every time I go to study I fall asleep. This class has got to be the most redundant course ever taken. I have learned literally nothing and I have no idea what I’m to be studying. I’m trying to read the textbook, but its keeps putting me to sleep. The course is called Internet and Survey Research. What have I learned so far? How to Google. As if I’d never used it before and the word Google hadn’t previously become part of my vocabulary. Seriously. I have no idea what I am going to do tomorrow. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be studying here. The class lectures and textbook combine have taught me nothing. NOTHING.

On a completely different note, because I like to change subjects quickly when I’m drinking coffee… I have a lunch date planned for tomorrow and it should be amazing. I have tried the Humber Room dinners quite often, however I have never tried lunch. The Humber Room is run by the culinary students at Humber, gaining experience in restaurant atmospheres and presentation and whatnot. So far, each meal has been delectable so I expect no less from lunch. The very first time Gemma and I went on a dinner date, we had some wine, she had more than I, and when we were leaving we were asked to do an interview of our experience at the Humber Room. I am not so great speaking with people as I can be quite timid especially when asked questions that expect immediate responses, and throw in a little slurring, it gets worse. But Gemma, having consumed more than I, and being British and all, was having a little more trouble, so I figured either I try to save us both and come up with some answers that didn’t sound like drunken slurs, or let us sound like goons on what is probably the project of film students for promoting the Humber Room. We both did a fair bit of talking, I can’t remember exactly what was asked or said, but I think we pulled it off; until Gemma blew our cover when leaving (still being filmed at this point) by saying “we’re a little tipsy from the wine”. Good job. Haha

Anyways, I’m stoked for lunch. x

Fact of the day: I'm still like I used to be.

When they say “you’ll never work in this town again” is that a promise or a threat?

As a reminder of Christmas is creeping quickly into stores, without even the passing yet of Halloween, it is becoming more than apparent that I need a job and some type of income. If I want to be able to buy something awesome for my family, and have some spending money myself for expensive coffees and trips downtown, I need a job.

Tomorrow is the day I have dedicated to procrastinating further on studying and essays to go look for a job.

Wish me luck.

Fact of the day: I am strange.

This is my life.

Thank you Father.

and Catherine for the only decor in my room.

All I need to function.

My room is Always a mess.

The only part of my window that opens, currently guarded by Mr. SpiderLegs

I've decided I need to start biking again.

I need to spend my time doing something more productive. But I know that probably wont happen; for a while at least.

Fact of the day: I'm none too exciting.

Leave your lives on the doorstep. Wipe your lifeless feet.

Its not a sad story really

Thats just the way it sounds

Lighthearted elephants trample me to the ground.

Fact of the day: I am the worst.

Unhappy Slaughterday.

There are many things I categorize into likes and dislikes. Here is a continuation of that list:
+ the smell of my fire place in the fall (or winter)
+ fall walks through the forest
+ being at home
+ being content with my relationships among friends
+ sister hangouts
+ silly situations
+ reminiscing
+ soy pumpkin spice lattes
+ new tunes
+ clean laundry
+ seeing family
+ sleeping
- academic blogging
- velcro
- buttonless pants
- rips that keep growing
- losing my train of thought
- stains
- getting angry
- eating too much / getting fat / gaining weight
- sleepless times / sleepy times
- homework (university style)
- cleaning
- missing friends

- ugg boots

Fact of the day: change your world, it makes a difference.

epiphany

I have just realized how much I infinitely hate someone.

Fact of the Day: I will learn to like it.

Fall is here.

So fall happens to be my favourite season for a variety of reasons that I may or may not go into, I have yet to decide. However, I was just being the creep that I can sometimes be and I found some pictures of wintertime from someone else's blog. I usually hate winter, I cant take the cold. But I got a very weird feeling that I haven't felt in a very long time from looking at these pictures. I was actually excited for winter; for the snow, for winter jackets, for white footprints trailing behind my every move, even for the coldness it brings. I very much liked this feeling, and just thinking about it is bringing it back. I am thinking this winter may be the first one I enjoy since the faint memories of a childhood I once had.

I am excited for snowmen, winter boots, snowballs, sliding on ice, maybe even falling. I'm looking forward to it all. I am finally going to embrace the climate that comes along with Canadian winters that I have been so reluctant to enjoy.

Winter CAN be great.

Fact of the day: Fall is still my favoutire.

Paranoid Android

The last week begins:
As of late I’ve become severely stressed about a number of things. However the thing that stresses me out the most is that I never do anything about it. There are things I need to do, things I have to accomplish, and things I would like to say to people before I leave.
I’ve become a nuisance for my parents, a half-assed friend, and an even worse sister. My mind is in several places at once these days that I can’t find it to be in one place when it counts; therefore resulting in failed attempts at anything. There are certain people that mean the world to me who don’t know exactly how much they have been a part of my life over the past few years and that makes me sad.
For about the next year of my life, I will be living on my own, in a single room, no bigger than the size of my smallest bathroom. I don’t make friends easily so I am depending on the overconfidence of others to help me out a little. Am also trying to figure out how to hang on to old friends, or what little of them I have left, while being away from any and all of them. I’ve already lost one for reasons that are unknown to me and we haven’t even left yet.
I don’t usually get this paranoid this easily because of my lack of emotion or knack to disregard almost anything. However it has become apparent that I can no longer just slide by on old habits. The future is coming and I can no longer hold off the fact. I cannot stay here any longer, but I am too afraid to leave.
Please, someone, keep me sane.

Fact of the day: I don’t like being alone, I’ve been there for too long.

Sometimes the things that once used to impress become unimpressive

Over the past little while I have begun to realize what the main goals of most human beings are. They are selfish, self-centered, and oblivious to the world outside of their immediate surroundings; and have no admiration for anyone who disagrees with them on even the smallest scale.
The world is filled with enough anguish of its own without needless name-calling and backstabbing to intensify it. Honestly, what do a few harmful worlds now have to contribute to the world’s gravitational pull?
Next time you feel like taking pleasure in the degrading of someone else’s fashion sense, beliefs, morals, religion, intelligence, financial standings, sexual orientation, friends, family, etc. ask yourself: in 100 years… in even 10 minutes… will this really have made that great of an impact on my life to be equivalent to the time it took out of it?
We all strive to attain the ‘good’ life. We all think we can only achieve this by stepping on people we find to be inferior to us. If we could all learn to praise what others do right instead of belittling them whenever we can, we could all be living a much more satisfying life.


Fact of the day: I didn't want to go through this again.

Come Home.

Today was my grandpa's 80th birthday party at our house. There was a LOT of people here to wish him a happy birthday, so many in fact that we had to order for caterers because there was just too many to feed. It was nice to see him so happy. And the weather was so perfect for the occasion, it was a good day.
Happy 80th Birthday Grandpa!

Fact of the Day: It's all in the taste buds.

Stop your sleeping!

Summertime Is Arriving ... Fast!

Fact of the day: I am finally exhausted.

The Weekenders

Is probably the best show on television!
Not that I have had the chance to watch much… any… television in recent history because of my remarkable procrastination skills and exam time.
Over the past 2 weeks I’ve slowly forced myself into insomnia between writing essays, finishing projects and studying for exams. I’ve averaged anywhere from 1 – 4 hours of sleep a night.
Needless to say I am stoked for Friday as a sleep all day pass. Sleeping partiers welcome.

Fact of the day: I don't hate where I live.

Silly rabbit… Trix are for kids!

But Oatmeal Crisp Triple Berry… That is something rabbit friendly.

Fact of the day: Summer is on the way!

One day left

Here I am, sitting in this not so comfortable chair, thinking about everything except writing my essay. I still have not started, its due tomorrow, and there is no chance of me finishing. I’m a mess.

Fact of the day: I've really missed old friends.

Let down lane

Today I hung out with a new friend. Well, we’ve known each other, sort of, but never hung out before. And it was actually a lot of fun, however everything we ended up doing compiled to one giant let down.
And here is how it went:
He picked me up, we head for booster juice. I was completely stoked as it had been forever since I’d had a ‘boost’. We got our drinks and went to sit down. I took my first sip and all I could taste was powder. It looked like there should be some sort of fruit flavor to it, and as the description read, it was assembled with fruit; but this thing tasted disgusting. His was apparently pretty awful too. (Note: never go to a booster juice inside a gym, they load it with too much work out enhancers). I mean, do I really look like the type of person whose on their way to bench 300lbs? even if I do, who really needs that much powder in their drink that you can't even taste any type of fruit?! So anyways, while sitting in the gym area, unimpressed with our wet masses of powder, we see Kristina and Adam headed for the movies (which is in the same plaza). Since it is Tuesday and movies are $5, we figure maybe it’s a good idea to go check out what is playing since we really had nothing planed. So we get there, decide to see the hangover, buy our tickets and then realize we still have 30min to kill. We thought it would be a good idea to go on a hunt for a dollar store to purchase some wicked bingo dabbers, as we are going to play bingo on Friday. So we find the dollar store, find the bingo dabbers, and find they are nothing special. Fair enough, it’s a dollar store, what more can you hope for? (Accept we were hoping for some retro awesome cool looking dabbers, but whatever) So we decide to load up on candy for the movie instead. When we get to the cash out there is a man stuck in front of us whose debit won’t work, we have to wait behind this guy, buying way too much from a dollar store in the first place, for 5 min. finally we get our stuff and race back to the theatre to make the movie. When we get to the parking lot, it is packed like a dairy queen on a hot summer day. So we drive and find a spot pretty far away, but no big deal, it was nice out, the walk was fine. However as we were walking to the theatre we see all these people walking away. Then we see two people that we know, they inform us that the movie had been oversold and there was not one seat left in the theatre. So we had to walk all the way to the theatre to get refunds for our previously purchased tickets. Then walk all the way back to the car. Then since we had nothing to do we went to Starbucks so I could indulge in an overpriced hot beverage. It wasn’t the best I’ve had but it was good enough. I let my friend try it and he was appalled. His taste buds were not down. I then had to explain that ‘yes I do quite enjoy the taste of this beverage’ but he just didn’t understand. We then sat in Starbucks chatting for maybe a good 30 min before deciding to head out and go watch a movie back at his house instead of the theatre. While on the way back, the sun was pretty, the weather was great and he had this amazing idea to just drive to Toronto and hang for a bit. Since we were beside the highway, we decided ‘why not? Toronto is always a good time.’ but then he realized he needed gas first, so we went in search of the nearest gas station. When we got to the gas station he then decided that he didn’t want to make the drive anymore, he likes to do things spontaneously, too much time had passed and he was no longer in the mood to drive that far. So again, not a big deal, we don’t have to go to Toronto (we’re just going another day), so we’re headed on our way back home again. When we get close to home I then decide it’s probably not such a good night to watch a movie because of the mountains of homework I must complete in a very short period of time.
SO:
Booster juice (our only planed task of the evening) was a let down
Bingo dabbers were a let down
Not being able to see the hangover… let down
Starbucks… (more so for him) but I’ve also had better; let down
He cancelled Toronto; let down
I cancelled the movie watching; let down.
Over all it was actually a pretty solid hang out, I think we both had a pretty good time.
I’m stoked for summer which is just around the corner, and we can tackle our list of let downs then.

Fact of the day: repetition was never my friend.

Time Time Ticking Away...

I really need to take control of my life. I'm failing in every area of it, and I'm not liking this place.
Homework is still a priority with only 3 days left, and I'm still procrastinating starting an 8 page essay, a 10 page project, and finishing the last paragraph of another essay.
I hope I graduate.

Fact of the day: I do Not want your boyfriend

Fact of the day needs to be put into place

High school is almost over. I can almost start to think about the future.

Fact of the day: I need to get things done!

The Worst

-Pouring a big bowl of cereal and getting all excited for it only to find out you have no soy milk left.
-Getting home before your parents on a Saturday night; when they get home and they call your cell phone to ask where you are and you’re upstairs… in bed.
-Procrastination
-Wanting a smoothie but having no frozen fruit
-Being arrested for being stupid
-Forgetting something and having to get up just as you find the comfy spot in bed
-Essays
-Missing the things you love but no longer have time for
-Working
-When the rubber part of the bobby pin falls off
-Booster juice D:
-Monsters

I’m sure the list will grow with time.

Hall wanderer.

So walking down the hall today there was a girl who seemed to be overly content with life. She was singing a little song, not caring really if people were watching her. And I find that to be really refreshing; especially in high school. The kids I usually see around here are always trying to look at their reflection hoping they still look as hot as the window before, fix their make-up in the bathroom to preserve the cake-face they applied earlier that morning, or they are making fun of someone who’s having a bad hair day.
I don’t think I’ll miss much of high school once I’m gone. There were some pretty rad times in grade 11, other than that, my years here were pretty unmemorable. I’ve only now to look to the future and hope that there lies ahead something much more than this place could ever offer me.

The Best

+A glass of juice after a shower
+Nice weather
+New music on my iPod
+Peanut butter & jam
+Making a new friend
+Arizona tall cans
+Sand dune jumping
+Tofu scramble
+Cameras
+When I finish something on time
+Time alone / Time with friends
+Water
+Starbucks
+Forgetting regrets

There has to be more.

The Monster is back

And this time its worse.

Renouncing my ego

It has dawned on me that I no longer matter; and I am finally okay with that.

Lisa

I just got home from my very first drive-in experience. Overall I think it’s safe to say it pretty much sucked. I mean, the company was good, the weather wasn’t terrible, we were just a little under prepared, and the movies weren’t all that great. Next time we need a truck, more blankets and pillows, and to get there earlier to get a good spot without a pole blocking our view.
The first movie that was playing was Obsessed. Now we all know who Beyonce is; and now we all know she is a singer and that is it. Okay, to be fair, her acting wasn’t that bad, but it really wasn’t that great. Unless her aim was to pretend to be a rich upper-class black person who brought out the stereotypical racial accent of a lower class citizen living in the ghetto, she should stick to singing and dancing.
Overall this movie just felt like a dragged out trailer; with no definitive beginning middle or ending.
The next movie was Angels and Demons. Which isn’t a bad movie, from what I gathered, but also wasn’t a ‘drive-in’ sort of movie. It’s one of those movies you’d rent and watch at home all curled up in warm blankets on the couch with your warm coca and cookies; not laying on hard rocks with a thin layer of fabric separating you from the gravel.
We arrived half way through Obsessed (thank god), fell asleep watching Angels &Demons, and when I wasn’t sleeping I was trying to watch Star Trek on the screen to the left (which looked like it ruled!). Lydia,Wes, and I all wanted to see it but somehow we lost the vote.
But I’m glad I finally went to the drive-in, and I also picked up a few helpful tips for next time: Bring a pillow, more blankets, and don’t let David pick movies.

Smitten

Why do you think people are so miserable these days? It’s because it is so fucking hard to wake up and smell the flowers with a fist full of cow fart smashed into your face. If you think of someone passing wind outside sure you can hear it but very rarely can you smell it; and if you can, the stench doesn’t stay for very long. Why is it then all summer long, when I’m driving home, the lingering stench of a cow’s anus can be smelt? This could be due to cows spontaneously combusting on a daily basis and producing a rancid smell that filters throughout the air, but it is more realistically due to the fact that cows are unnecessarily over produced. Now those poor cows can do nothing to cover up their smell; and worst of all, if one cow lets their gas go, they all get blamed for it. A cow can’t stick up for itself. Have you ever tried to hold in gas built up inside you for so long that it hurts, so that you don’t embarrass yourself by accidentally letting something natural happen? What if you were that one cow who didn’t want to be embarrassed, and then sally over there goes and ruins it for the heard? Next time your meat-lovin’ behind drives by a farm and wants to complain about the raunchy stink of (what should be) fresh air, remind your self-centered self that if it weren’t for people like you: we wouldn’t have to produce so many cows, pollute so much of our air, condemn so many souls to death, and smell that grotesque odor we are unfortunately so commonly used to.

(I’m not saying you have to go vegan, just don’t blame the cows when you’re uncomfortable with the air that surrounds you. )

Mommy’s drunk and Daddy’s high

"I think everyone should like everyone."

You can’t get mad at me for not remembering, thats like yelling at someone for having alzheimers!

Not quite, but I made my point.
Lately I’ve been forgetting a lot of things. It may have something to do with my lack of sleep- yet somehow never feeling tired at night- or with my diet- which is based mainly around peanut butter and/ or apples.
Some things I’ve been forgetting( / to do list):
· Winter can last until the end of May
· Even out my eating habits
· Sleep
· Take some time for myself (have some 'me time')
· Dislike apple flavored candy (and any type of jolly-rancher)
· My dads pretty rad (Rad-Dad?)
· The CDs I want to buy
· Print my resume
· Look in the mall for another job
· Look anywhere for another job
· Go get my license
· Homework (major assignments)
· Go to class (not so much forgetting, more so neglecting)
· Pay my sister back
· Save my money
· How insignificant most things are
· Just exactly how much certain people mean to me
· How much I have lost faith in humanity
Coincidentally enough, I sat here for an extended period of time (which I will not specify) to try and think of the things I’d forgotten, and I still cant remember. The list was to help me remember these things I had recently remembered forgetting for a later date.
One thing I have discovered [not forgotten] recently though, is that I subconsciously hate myself, and always want myself to be unhappy. For example: on a smaller spectrum, if I really like my hair one day, I will touch or play with it until I make something look or feel wrong with it, then I can continue on with my day. Or same goes with my make-up: if I like the way I look, something must be done to stop it! If something is too perfect, I feel the need to destroy it.
A better example: someone who has been very close to me for quite a while (this be a family member, a friend, a love, an antelope it doesn’t matter and you need not know), started to get even closer (more so on the emotional level). I never really let people figure out who I am, or get too close, I don’t talk much about myself or feelings for a reason. However this person and I have been pretty tight, but I’d always hoped to be more. When this person actually started wanting to be more as well, I created a way out; to fuck things up. Needles to say, this person and I don’t talk much anymore, not like we used to anyway, and I regret that more than anything. I want this person to know that they will always have a place holder in that big ticker that keeps the days comin'.

hokie

I don’t usually get to spend a lot of time with my dad because he’s always on a business trip or I’m busy off doing something non-parent related.
So yesterday I got some time to hang out with him, and by that I mean our day went like this:
*phone rings*
I’m still in bed, not making any effort to even try to answer it; they can call back later or leave a message. However, the phone stops ringing after only two rings; meaning someone had answered it. I heard a voice
“Hello?”… blah blah blah…
Apparently my dad was home too, keeping in mind this was a Friday, I found it very peculiar. So I decided to get up and go downstairs for some breakfast and see whats up…
“hey dad how come you’re home today?”
“hello Jennifer, why are you home?”
“I skipped sch… I wanted a father-daughter day of course!”
“I didn’t even know I was going to be home today... how would you?”
“I must me psychic.”
We sat down and ate breakfast together, which never happens anymore so it was really nice to chat with him for a while and catch up on each other’s lives.
At about 1:00pm:
“hey dad, want to go to Starbucks?”
Him not really wanting to go anywhere or do anything on ‘his day off’ responded “I don’t feel like spending $20 for coffees, and I don’t want to go anywhere”
“I’ll buy, I’ll even drive”
“uhh… Alright”
So we proceeded to Starbucks in Brampton because they have Chapters, and Milton does not. My dad used the wireless internet to do some work even though he wasn’t ‘working’, so I took my time browsing all the books I was too broke to purchase. I read one, a few short stories, and the beginnings of many. (To say the least, I love being in book stores, I used to hate reading as a small child; but now wish I made more time for it.)
Anyways, every half hour or so, I’d wander back to my dad sitting in the Starbucks area, chat, and go back to reading books. We then left after spending 2 and a half hours there. And I thought it was a pretty good day. My dad is a pretty cool guy, and I sometimes forget that because we don’t get to see each other much.

(On a side note, with the various books I started to read I gained a new appreciation for many things and lost respect for others. They got me thinking about so many different things it was awesome.
I’m going back with Rachel on Monday to buy one of the many books I was checking out, I have yet to decide on the one I want, but I am excited for fresh text!)

January 17th

Aside from a few things, yesterday was a pretty good day.
It was my first time on a GO bus alone. It was kind of cool I guess. I’ve never taken a trip by myself anywhere (well other than BC, but what I mean is I'm usually traveling with someone to TO), but it was nice just to stare out the window, not having to engage in conversation, and appreciating some ‘me time’ allowing my thoughts to drift while listening to music; not really taking in the not so attractive sights. It wasn’t very nice weather outside either. Quite cold and beginning to snow a little, but that wasn’t going to stop me from enjoying my day.
I was on my way to Toronto, to visit my friend Kyle. I love taking day trips to Toronto. When I arrived at Union Station, I took the subway by myself; for the first time as well. I got on the wrong one and had to immediately get off at the next stop to go back. Finally when I arrived at his residence we went for a walk and I took some pretty awful photos, but it was fun none the less. I learned university text book prices are a bitch, and I realized just how much I adore the city more than my current living situation.
Anyway, Kyle had some place to be by 5, so when he had to disappear I met up with my friend Stephen. We went to what is my favourite restaurant: Fresh. We got to our seats with the bottle of un-ending water, order some wine and our meals, with a side of sweet potato fries. I usually order the Magic Tofu Wrap which is delicious, however this time I decided to try something new. I go the Baby Energy Bowl, so yummy! And Stephen decided to try something new as well, the Baby Buddha; that was tasty too! Thus far I have never been unimpressed with anything I have ordered there. Especially the sweet potato fries!
Halfway through dinner, I remembered I was supposed to be home for a certain time and then checked the time and realized I had missed the bus. Oh well not a big deal I didn’t freak out or anything. After dinner we went next door to Second Cup, because it was closer than any Starbucks we couldn’t see. We bought some expensive beverages and hopped onto the subway, headed for home.
On the subway, (this is where my day goes downhill) Stephen rubs in my face the fact that he got to go see the Junction and party later that night, which I should have been doing as well, if I didn’t have to go home. I was incredibly jealous.
We said our goodbyes, he stayed on the subway because he had a little farther to go to get home, and I got off at Union to catch the bus; which I almost missed again. The journey home was pretty nice too, I took a little nap, was thankful when I got off that my head was still attached, then made a dash for the arena to stay warm until my mom arrived to pick me up. On my way across a snow-covered stretch of land, I slipped and fell and bruised my hip pretty badly. Whatever didn’t worry about it too much either, nothing I could have done about it. My mom picked me up; we got gas, and then went home so I could pick up some stuff, then headed off to soccer in a rush. It was snowing pretty badly out and the roads were slippery. It wasn’t worth driving all the way to the Hershey center for, but my dad insisted. He is the only reason I came home to play. I think he secretly wishes I was a boy so he could see me playing more sports. Unfortunately for him, I am not really into sports, but I do agree to play soccer to keep him happy. Although I’m pretty terrible.
I just recently joined an indoor soccer team and it was my first game. I hadn’t participated in any sort of physical activity, other than mad dashes from cars to movie theatres, in I don’t know how long. So it was sure to be a giant fail on my part. And I delivered on that too. I didn’t even remember how to play and I was exhausted. It also took me the most painful 15 minutes my nose had ever been through to get my nose ring out, causing infection once again, then at last once it was out I went on to play terribly.
My legs, my arms, my sides and my back now hurt over 24 hours later.
I should have stayed in Toronto. It was definitely not worth coming home for.
Aside from the ending of my day, I’d say it was an alright, pretty eventful day.

Eudaemonia

So as a vegetarian, I’ve never really been bothered or ‘disgusted’ by the thought of meat. It does bother me however when people are like “Oh sorry Jen, but I’m going to eat this burger.” Don’t be sorry to me, you have nothing to be sorry for; other than to the animal which is already dead and about to be devoured. It's cool, you have your beliefs and I have mine. Whatever…This evening however, managed to alter my ‘never been bothered’ point. Tonight my parents were having people over for dinner (nothing too out of the ordinary happens almost every Sunday), so as usual they were preparing a big meat-fest dinner. And with this, today was the very first time I was ever revolted by the sight of meat. My dad was in the process of cutting up this giant hunk, but then stopped to make some coffee. When I realized the sink was free I went to wash my hands, only to be horrified at the scene left in the bottom of the sink. I cringed. This piece of meat actually looked like it had been hacked off of a carcass; I could see it was actually part of something before it died. Meat doesn’t generally look like anything really; chicken is usually just a mass of slimy mess; and burgers and ground beef don’t resemble the sight of a cow in any way; however when I saw this piece of meat just sitting there in the sink, all I could think about was how this animal died, was chopped up only to ended lying lifeless in our kitchen. I slowly backed away from the sink and went to wash my hands in the bathroom; however the sight stuck to my brain. And it got me thinking: Why is it that humans have so much power over the helpless just because of a genetic mutation that happened to grow alongside our four fingers? Why can we get away with murder as long as it’s of a different species (and not endangered). Of course we are the smarter of the species, doesn’t that mean we should know better? We are taught 'it is right to kill' yet we learn in school 'it is wrong to kill'? You may think I’m just being the ‘typical vegetarian/ vegan’ who is trying to get the world stop eating meat and all that mumbo-jumbo(which would be great); but I’m really not trying to push it on anyone in any sort of way; I’m just trying to share my thoughts, which I can never seem to do correctly.
Anyways… I guess I have come to believe I have finally reached a level of becoming satisfied with the way I live, think, and act. I am content with who I am for right now, and thats okay with me.
Just live how you believe will make you happy, physically, morally, mentally, emotionally etc. If digging into your favourite kind of animal is what satisfies you, makes you feel like you’ve lived your day to the fullest, go for it.

First times last a life time.

It’s time for new beginnings.