Step one: light me on fire.

So today is my birthday.
I am not a fan of birthdays at all. The one thing I was hoping for this year was to get into school. I did not get in. I also haven't found a job so I can no longer move out. I'm stuck here for another year. Probably the rest of my life.
I'm a failure now.
At least I'm finally 19 so I can just go drink myself silly and blame it on this godforsaken day.
Whatever. This is always my luck anyways. I don't know why I expected more. Life never wants to work out for me, even when I do every possible thing to try and help myself along, life doen't want to help me back.
Fuck this place.

Today I could not have planned for a better way to spend my day. I am watching Disney movies with my kittens. Then later I will be heading to Guelph to drink until I pass out.
I hate birthdays.

Listening to: In Fact by Gregory and the Hawk.
Fact of the day: I knew you'd never remember, I really don't care.

Call every girl we ever met Maria but only love Virginia’s heart.

I created the tastiest guacamole today. I thought I had it conquered, apparently not. Cajun spice is my new favourite addition to everything. My mother tells me to stop eating so many avocados because they are fattening. To heck with that, they are too good. I'll just go exercise or something... yeah right. Although I do need to stop being so lazy, sleeping until 11, getting up to do absolutely nothing aside from maybe eating something, and going back to sleep until 2. I hate being unemployed. Tomorrow better be a good day. I intend to spend the morning with my father then heading downtown to hopefully score an interview and hand out bundles of resumes and then the rest of the day is to be spent with Melody. Should be good. I swear to goodness I better find a job and FAST!

Listening to: A Mixtape I found creeping blogs.

Fact of the day: I'll love you forever if I ever love at all.

Life likes to throw curveballs.

George Brown called today. They have more spaces open for the program I was rejected from. I have another chance to re-take the test for this semester, which means I could potentially be going to school again this year. I'm not too sure how I feel about this as of yet. I was just warming up to the idea of having a year off. On the other hand I really did want to do this and this might be my second chance, everyone deserves one right? I have to practice my skirt making skills asap. I am going to buy patterns tonight and I'm working for a solid week until I get this down.
The only other thing holding me back from wanting to go is that I now have no laptop, no money, no job. If I can possibly get another loan from the bank for tuition and first & last months rent, and a laptop I'll be set. I'll have some time to find a job then.

Listening to: 10 Days Late by Third Eye Blind
Fact of the day: For the first time in my life I thought I had my life in order; apparently not.

To live in discontent, anti-establishment.

Every morning the first words out of my mouth should not be: OUUUUUCH! FUUUUCK! CHICAGO! But unfortunately I think my cat is teething or some shit. He is chewing anything and everything including but not limited to: my legs, my toes, my hair, my fingers, my arms, paper, boxes, hair bands, fake plants. He really does not do much dammage, its just his freaking claws that hurt so much when he grabs onto your head, legs, feet, or any part of the body. I'm hoping he is done all of this by the time it comes to move out. Funny thing is, I'm getting another kitten in the coming week so I'll have to deal with this all over again.

I handed out a bunch of resumes this weekend in hops of finding a full-time job before move in day comes. If I can do this, I can move out. If I have no luck, I may have to live at home leaving my roommates high and dry, which I really do not want to do. I am heading back to the city on Friday and hopefully finding a job then as well. I wouldnt even mind having two jobs just to be safe.

Listening to: Chorus of One by Strike Anywhere

Fact of the day: my legs still hate me.

No eating dinner on Mondays.

I've decided that from now on I am going to join Jess and Trevor Monday nights for Symposium hangs. Food is so good, but if I eat dinner (which I did last night) then I will not be able to fully enjoy the symposium experience.

My blog has also gone so far downhill that I dont even see a point in updating it anymore.
I don't even care about whats going on in my life and I doubt the other 4 people who glance at this every so often care either.

Listening to: Art is Hard by Cursive

Fact of the day: I am glad for days with nothing to do but read, knit, blog and draw.

Letters to my body.

Dear digestive system,

Thank you for working as hard as you do, but you could throw in a little more effort.

Dear liver,

I am sorry for the next year and a half. Don’t hate me.

Dear legs,

Thank you for repeatedly dragging my lazy bones anywhere and everywhere I’ve been.

Dear arms,

You have been neglected for far too long. I’ll start lifting some heavy things so you feel useful.

Dear toes,

I'm not sure why you hurt so much; ill try to improve how I walk.

Dear hands and fingers,

I'm sorry for slowly developing carpel tunnel. If you hate me one day I understand.

Dear back,

Strengthen your bones.

Dear ankles,

I know how badly you’ve wanted to over the years, but thank you for not giving up on me just yet.

Dear eyes,

I’m so glad you work so well. The things you have let me see are beautiful; even in the ugliest places. You are appreciated.

Dear ears,

Without you I would not know how wonderful music sounds; thus I would lead an unfulfilled life.

Dear taste buds,

You have made me fat. But thank you for letting me enjoy it.

Dear brain,

You could be a little smarter, make me a little less lazy, but I guess you’ve got me this far. Thank you for not being ridiculously dumb and pretty good with common sense.

Dear funny bones,

You really aren’t funny at all.

Dear feet,

I’ll try my best to lessen your load.

Dear everything else,

You have put up with my bullshit for so long, but you’re a part of me. The shit storm has yet to come. Prepare yourself.

Love Jen.

Listening to: Mama I'm Satan by Cursive

Fact of the day: I miss knitting.